The throbbing question is, “will I remember me when I am gone, if I can’t remember me before now?”
“Is this the glass darkly?”
Only I will know. Or I will sleep.
The perfect day for a walk to my self-dubbed bird sanctuary–the dike, the abandoned railroad tracks. Yes I found a few birds. I heard some, too. I cannot find the bird in my field guide. Similar to the red wing blackbird, but the wing color shape all wrong. No picture, they aren’t still enough for me (yet). But, walking along the river I made some beautiful discoveries.
Walking on the overgrown tracks, I spied homespun bird houses
Somehow, I felt closer to the spirit of Henry David Thoreau.
Nature can bring peace to the soul, if we give it a chance.
I decided to rise from my slumbering mode this morning to enjoy the morning air! My morning writing, consisting of a handwritten letter to my daughter, needed posting, and I decided to walk it over. I could have waited, yes, but I’m glad I didn’t.
I don’t know what I like more, the beauty of nature or her sounds. I’m grateful I can take advantage of both!
I sit this morning on my porch, the Robin sings (he’s the only one I really can remember, and the only one brave enough to hop across my lawn)–oh wait! I just heard the cardinal (but he eludes my vision).
It’s like eating breakfast with Ralph Waldo!
The greatest delight which the fields and woods minister, is the suggestion of an occult relation between man and the vegetable. I am not alone and unacknowledged. They nod to me, and I to them. The waving of the boughs in the storm, is new to me and old. It takes me by surprise, and yet is not unknown. Its effect is like that of a higher thought or a better emotion coming over me, when I deemed I was thinking justly or doing right.
15 Albany Street.
Back in the 70’s, I went with a college group to Israel. We stayed in a youth hostel. I was surprised by the breakfast, vegetables and eggs, I think maybe some cheese, I cannot remember, but I remember the freedom I felt, eating perhaps what is a Mediterranean breakfast.
That longing prompted this action:
HARPERS. I love it! My girlfriend subscribes. I happened to pick up her April issue and found an article by Fenton Johnson called, “Going It Alone,” with the subtitle, “The dignity and challenge of solitude.” I’m living my life alone, and I grabbed the title and absorbed the story. What a fascinating story! It spoke of the many people who had chosen (or chosen for them) solitude, celibacy, and to roam with the stars of the sky, climbing deep inside of their own caves and spelunking, with results. We have Eudora Welty (oh my favorite of favorites!), Thomas Merton, William James and Henry David Thoreau, to only name a few. A few quotes, if I but dare, “Only in solitude could these solitaries fulfil their destinies–become not partial but whole…Like Jesus, bachelor for the ages, they keep ever before us the ideal toward which we may strive. They raise the bar of what it means to be alive.”
So, now I am going to research and read more of Fenton Johnson!
Early each morning, about 4:50 a.m., actually, the birds start their morning song. For me, this is a song of faith for today. We have enough strength to deal with today and today only, that is why (in my mind) the bird sings each morning, to remind me that a new day is at hand. I get to take advantage of this day, the only day that I have left. I defend my territory, claim it as mine, I do my best to attract others by being only who I am, not what someone else wants. It’s called self love.
I’ve done a lot of reading and thinking about self love. This needs to be promoted. Releasing the burdens of our life on a daily basis, until the recording stops inside, and we have forgiven ourselves for experiences that perhaps were not the wisest, but with our primitive tools was all we had to use at that time. Like magic, a new tool has appeared. Why didn’t I have that tool before? Because you didn’t. You did the best you could. It’s okay.
Soul acceptance is important. My soul knows exactly what it is doing, I need to acknowledge that and love me. And continue to seek the best. On a daily basis. Reflecting yesterday, I wrote these words: “Smile when I think of me. I smile when I think of someone who gives me pleasure. I need to smile at the thought of me.”